April Workshop - Sirius

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Sirius Fudge
Silver Arrow
Posts: 475
Joined: Thu Aug 11, 2011 10:24 am
Location: The Sett

April Workshop - Sirius

Postby Sirius Fudge » Mon Apr 17, 2017 1:25 am

Brown eyes begging me
Black nose sniffing here and there
His white tail wagging
To open the door or not?
Shall I get the leash or not?

Aurelia West
Oakshaft 79
Posts: 143
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2011 4:21 am

Re: April Workshop - Sirius

Postby Aurelia West » Wed May 31, 2017 11:35 pm

I really like your use of description words. I felt like I could picture the scene very well. I also liked the indecision the narrator expressed when wondering should he open the door and get the leash. It was a familiar backdrop to show indecision which I enjoyed. It also helped that the poem was told from the first person point of view as that made an even more immersive choice.

Overall, I think this poem did a very good job both setting the scene and conveying the narrators emotion all within a compressed structure, and because of all of that plus the lightheartedness of it all, I really enjoyed it!

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