March Workshop - Aurelia

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Aurelia West
Oakshaft 79
Posts: 143
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2011 4:21 am

March Workshop - Aurelia

Postby Aurelia West » Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:12 pm

What I Didn't Take

It thumps.
I thump.
It thumps.

My mind jostles around inside my skull, and
I imagine brain fluid roiling wildly
in a tornado of blurry thoughts,
untrained senses,
confused ideas.

Unused ideas.
I think of all the ideas I dismissed,
wayward miscreants
who came and went as they wished.

Why did I not keep them?
Take their extended arms
and lead them someplace new.

I imagine an idea garden.
The ideas come in troves here,
All wanting to make it their starting point for greatness.
The mind fluid is making it difficult to see.
Blurry thoughts heed blurry vision,
The ideas slip away.

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Sirius Fudge
Silver Arrow
Posts: 475
Joined: Thu Aug 11, 2011 10:24 am
Location: The Sett

Re: March Workshop - Aurelia

Postby Sirius Fudge » Mon Apr 17, 2017 1:35 am

Aure, well done! The idea of the complexity of having, organizing, and making use of the thoughts inside our head is well portrayed. It is also perfect that a free verse poem is utilized to show this complexity. I loved the ending where the ideas just slipped away, unused. It provides a challenge of organizing them better in the future. There is also the variety of words used in the poem, a characteristic that I find myself challenged. I feel the struggle, the emotions of the poem is strong. Overall, the poem is a beautiful disaster that is inspiring somehow. I lost some of the words to say. I guess some of my ideas also slipped away.

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