January Workshop - Lavinia

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Lavinia Rookwood
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January Workshop - Lavinia

Postby Lavinia Rookwood » Fri Jan 15, 2016 2:54 am

Justified

Everything we do nowadays has gotta be justified in some way. "I'm doing it 'cause it's healthy." "I'm watching it 'cause it promotes diversity","I'm eating this 'cause of the environment." Now there's nothing wrong with that. The better we can be, the better the world we leave for our children.

But what about being happier? What happened to the doing something 'cause you just enjoy it. Watching something 'cause it makes you smile. Nowadays, everything has receipts so that if it shows one little ding, you can bring it back to the store and leave a negative review, passed around friends so they don't buy, don't eat, don't think. Everything is drag that, and salty this and all I see is we're drowning in ocean water of negativity. Everything has to pass a court of law that not even an angel could fly though. After all, some of them angels faked identities, rained fire down, made doubtful women into salt.

Actually, maybe we're not so different then angels. We take individuals and turn them into salt. Mummify them into receipts so they can't breathe. All in the name of a better world.

What about a happier world? What about some sugar and forgiveness? What about leaving that to our children? Give them breathing room to make mistakes, instead of falling into dissolving into inherited negativity. How about instead of a files full of receipts and judgement smite down, we leave bandaids and cake recipes?
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Ariella McManus
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Re: January Workshop - Lavinia

Postby Ariella McManus » Fri Jan 15, 2016 3:17 am

As with Jennet's poem, I'm biased on this subject, so I knew I would like it from the first line. I can honestly say that after having read the entirety of it, I wasn't proven wrong.

I love how it's almost staccato in tone, or at least that's the way I could see it being performed. It reminds me of the first example in our lesson, Shihan's "This Type Love". It has that same energy, and I can see it being performed in much the same way. It's almost like you drew in one long breath at the beginning of the poem and kept going until you ran out of steam. You can tell that it's a topic you are passionate about, and while the poem is (I assume) is meant to be thought-provoking, it's also very 'in your face'. It's almost accusatory, almost as if you were playing devil's advocate in a court of law. Well done, Prosecutor :D

Some of your phrasing is very poetic; I particularly love the line "Everything has to pass a court of law that not even an angel could fly though." Those words did not only paint a most vivid image of exactly what you were trying to convey, but I felt that they summed up the entire poem quite nicely.

I love your ending line as well. It brings the reader (or listener) a call to reform and to maybe see things in a different perspective. I can actually see this poem being performed and people leaving, shaking their heads and muttering "Come to think of it..." This poem is the kind, that to me, leaves the audience with a lasting impression. Very well done!!
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