October Workshop - Lavinia

Class led by Arielle Lemoyne

Moderator: Prof. Arielle Lemoyne

User avatar
Lavinia Rookwood
Oakshaft 79
Posts: 112
Joined: Thu Sep 08, 2011 6:30 am

October Workshop - Lavinia

Postby Lavinia Rookwood » Thu Oct 29, 2015 9:44 pm

Silent Day

Shush, shhh.

There the trees dye their weaving,
the green fading under reds and golds.
The earth's quilt will soon fall on it's shoulders.

There the acorns fall,
the squirrel's chases no longer games.
Shush, the world is turning.
Turning in for sleep.

Soon the trees will be bare,
resting their weary arms
from the months of weaving and dying.
Be quiet and let them sleep.

The year is old now, it's children away
at school and work. Soon,
it will take it's last nap, just as its grandchild
opens it's eyes for the first time.

So hush now, the spinning wheel will turn still.
Only now with a new skein for it's thread, so rest.
Rest your head and dream of warmer days.

User avatar
Ariella McManus
Silver Arrow
Posts: 436
Joined: Fri Sep 16, 2011 4:13 pm
Location: Kentucky, USA

Re: October Workshop - Lavinia

Postby Ariella McManus » Thu Oct 29, 2015 9:57 pm

This poem was really pretty, and in some ways reminded me of my favourite Robert Frost poem, "Nothing Gold Can Stay". Both evoke both a sense of joy and sadness at the same time, and the duality of the feelings presented in the poem are quite intriguing. I love your idea of the spinning wheel and time, and applaud your vivid use of imagery.

The only critique I would give is watch out for punctuation errors. In the line

it will take it's last nap

the punctuation is wrong and it is a bit distracting. Otherwise I would say wonderful job; you made me not only see what you were describing, but feel it as well.
Ravenclaw Prefect/Head Student/Student Teacher/ar1107
“Do what I do. Hold tight and pretend it’s a plan!”

User avatar
Jennet Jones
No broom
Posts: 21
Joined: Mon Aug 17, 2015 6:05 am

Re: October Workshop - Lavinia

Postby Jennet Jones » Fri Oct 30, 2015 4:11 pm

This poem is clearly about the turning of the seasons, specifically autumn. With your eye for seasonal natural imagery, I am really looking forward to what you write for haiku next month! I really like what you have done with the textile metaphors here: weaving, quilting, dyeing, and spinning.

That said, I lost track of the metaphors when you switched from anthropomorphizing trees to anthropomorphizing the year. It left me wondering whether the spinning wheel in the last stanza was supposed to be the trees' spinning wheel or the year's spinning wheel. Maybe you could clarify that somehow? (Also, in the fourth line "it's shoulders" should be "its shoulders" - I think you want the one-word possessive pronoun, not the contraction for "it is".)

Return to “Poetry Writing”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests